So how much breakfast can you get for 6.8 pence

One of the most farcical things in the almost completely uncosted Tory manifesto is their plan to provide school children with breakfast at just 6.8 pence per child, per day.

The Labour Party carefully costed their manifesto to explain where the money would be coming from for each of their spending pledges. The Lib-Dems produced costings for their manifesto too. But the Tories believe they're so high and mighty that they don't have to explain to us mere mortals where they're getting the cash to pay for over 50 of their manifesto policies. They think that just mouthing empty propaganda tropes like "strong and stable leadership" and "judge us on our record" is plenty enough to fob us lower orders off with.

One of the very few costed policies in the entire Swiss cheese of a manifesto they put together was a £60 million pledge for free school breakfasts, but the most rudimentary analysis reveals that figure is woefully inadequate.

So how much food could you get?

The guys at the Evening Chronicle up in Newcastle worked out that the 6.8p the Tories have allocated for school breakfasts would be enough to provide each child with the wonderful choice of:

• Half a boiled egg

• One slice of toast with 12 baked beans

• 37.5 cornflakes in 100ml of milk

Imagining these paltry portions is amusing, but not quite as amusing as thinking about the poor office boy up in Geordieland who must have been tasked with counting how many baked beans there are in a can, and how many cornflakes there are in a packet!

The problem

The problem is obvious. You can't just use the entire 6.8p budget on food. There are overheads to consider too. 

The kids need to be supervised, the boiled eggs need to be cooked, the toast needs to be toasted, the dishes need to be washed.

Just a consideration of the supervision cost reveals a huge problem. 6.8p per child would work out at one minimum wage worker per 110 children. And this would mean blasting the entire breakfast budget on supervision.

Anyone who has worked with kids will know that one adult for over a hundred kids is a ridiculous scenario.

So even allowing for a criminally low level of supervision, Tory "breakfast" would consist of over a hundred kids sitting for an hour with no food whatever supervised by a single minimum wage employee.

The solution

The solution is obvious though.

In Tory Britain where we view experts with the contempt they deserve, we understand that we don't need pesky red tape like supervision requirements for our children. 

Only interfering "do-gooder" leftie scum would insist on wasting money on political correctness gone mad like child supervision.

The solution is simple. At the beginning of breakfast club all the raw supplies just get dumped in the middle of the floor and the children are left to fight it out amongst themselves.

This approach would do wonders at promoting the competitive spirit that lies at the heart of the capitalist ideology.

The strongest, fittest and most vicious get the reward of a hearty breakfast of whatever they can grab, whilst malingerers like the weak, disabled and conscientious rightly get nothing.

The Tory politicians of the future will thrive as they savagely beat the other children out of the way in order to gorge themselves on the raw supplies, while the weak who can't engage in the daily breakfast battle, and the do-gooder sissies who refuse to, end up with the empty stomachs they deserve.

What better way to ensure that the fittest survive and thrive in Tory Britain than social Darwinianism for breakfast?

Why should taxpayers spend our valuable pennies feeding those who are too weak to feed themselves?

Hooray for social Darwinianism!

Hooray for Tory Brexit Britain!

Hooray for Theresa May!

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