Monday, 1 April 2019

Why I've decided to shut AAV down


I've been writing Another Angry Voice for the best part of a decade now, and despite my best efforts I've not been able to turn it into the lucrative money-spinning operation I'd hoped it would be, but thankfully it's all suddenly paying off because I've been offered a job I simply cannot refuse.

Who could turn down a job that works out at a hefty six figure salary for just a few hours per week of writing?

OK, part of the job specification is that I have to shut down Another Angry Voice and adopt the political positioning of my new employers. But that's a small price to pay for easily enough cash to buy the classic Aston Martin I've always wanted within a month!

Then after that I'm going to get myself a mansion with a heated swimming pool and a snooker room. Get in!


Some of you may feel upset that I'm going to write for a mainstream media outlet operated by a right-wing media mogul, and you'll probably try to call me a hypocrite and a sell-out.

But the truth is that everyone is entitled to change their minds, and using the skills I've developed running Another Angry Voice to promote orthodox neoliberal views means all the effort I've put into this blog won't have gone to waste.

I mean politicians are always changing their minds and you people keep voting for them don't you?

One minute Chuka Umunna is attacking immigrants and calling for the UK to quit the Single Market and for our citizens' rights to Free Movement to be scrapped so that we can slam the door shut on all the foreign muck coming over here to steal our jobs, and then suddenly he's quitting Labour to set himself up as a Remain campaigner who absolutely adores the Single Market and Free Movement, and everyone just believes that he's sincere!

And what about Jacob Rees-Mogg warning that Theresa May's Withdrawal deal would turn the UK into a "slave state", then doing a total U-turn to actively vote in favour of it a few weeks later because it clearly suited his personal interests to do so?

He deliberately and wilfully voted to turn the UK into a "slave state" (his own words), but even after that he'll still get re-elected to parliament the next time around because everyone simply loves his haunted pencil act don't they?

So if you lot keep voting these guys into power despite such brazen ideological shifts, how dare you criticise me as a hypocrite for the slight modification of my principles involved in switching from lefty stuff like socialism and left-libertarianism to the promotion of orthodox neoliberalism?

I'll still be writing about politics and economics. I'll still be doing exactly the same job, just for loads more money.

And my new employers have even kindly promised me that I don't have to go "full Tory" right away, so it won't be so bad.


They've told me to concentrate on promoting the neoliberalism-lite options like the Lib-Dems, CUK, and the Labour right-wingers who have been working so tirelessly to undermine democratic socialism from within for the last three years.

In fact, they actually seem to consider diversion of the anti-Tory vote towards other orthodox neoliberal parties as a much higher priority than direct promotion of the Tories, which is interesting, isn't it?

And the more damage I can do to Labour by amplifying the antics of the internal wreckers the better from their perspective.


They say I'll come across as "less inauthentic" if I shift position from centre-left to orthodox neoliberal centrism, rather than jumping directly to full bore Toryism in one go, which makes perfect sense.

Few people will be gullible enough to believe it if I suddenly start running propaganda for the Tories, but if I claim disillusion with Labour in order to begin pushing my readers towards orthodox neoliberal parties and political figures, that'd be an absolute master class in concern trolling wouldn't it?

"Look at me I was a notorious lefty, but now I've seen the centrist light, and here's why you should embrace the neoliberal orthodoxy too".

You can see why they've offered to pay me such obscene amounts of money!


As I make the move into the mainstream media limelight some of you will obviously want to find evidence of my hypocrisy by going through my blog history to find the occasions where I've criticised the newspaper I'll be joining this month, but you'll have to be quick because I'm going to start deleting all references to them as a priority, before shutting the whole thing down later this week.

Before long the Internet will be scrubbed clean of any trace of the stuff I used to say about my new employers.


There's no point in fighting it, and you shouldn't feel angry at me or betrayed, because this is actually a wonderful success story. You guys have helped to lift me out of obscurity and into the wealth and comfort I've always felt I've deserved, and you should be happy to have played a part in my success.

If people like me end up getting paid loads on the backs of other people's efforts, then that means we're essentially just better than all the whiners who live in poverty.

If they simply worked harder, they could obviously all have six figure salaries, and classic Aston Martins, and heated swimming pools, and personal snooker rooms too couldn't they?

But they choose not to.

Instead they just whine on social media about how society is structurally rigged against people like them, and naively hope that lefty politicians will come along and make things a bit less rigged so that everyone has a fairer shot at success.


But nobody guaranteed that "life would be fair", or that people have a human right to dignity, or that civilised societies have a duty to care for the most vulnerable, or that full-time workers should earn enough to provide for their kids.

And the way the political establishment class behave makes it pretty bloody obvious that the key to success is doing whatever it takes to claw your way to the top, and then using your wealth, power, privilege, and influence to ensure things stay rigged in favour of you and your kind for the rest of time.

And so as long as some people find an unconventional way to climb to the top of the pile it shouldn't matter how many others suffer perpetual poverty, and stress, and exploitation, and racism, and sexism, and classism, and absolute bloody desperation at the bottom should it?

You lower orders should be delighted for us at the top and wish us well, because if life wasn't meant to be this way, someone would come along and actually propose changing things for the better wouldn't they?


So thanks for all the likes and comments and shares that helped me get noticed and head-hunted by the corporate mainstream media, and I'll see you all on the other side soon.

And Happy April Fools day if you didn't figure it out already.

On a serious note, The right-wing propaganda rag job is a lie, and I'm not shutting down, and I'm obviously not just in it for the money otherwise this site would be blathered in adverts, and I would never ever sell-out like this. I know how much faith people put in me to stay true to my principles (even if all of you inevitably disagree with some of the things I say some of the time because I'm just a guy who literally can't be absolutely right about all of the things all of the time), but after having had April Fools jabs at the likes of Trump, the Tories, the inept Anyone But Corbyn Labour right-wingers, and Brexiteers over the last few years, I thought it was high time I took a stab at myself by creating this absolute fucking monstrosity of a self-caricature. 
I hope you enjoyed it, or at least avoided soiling yourself with rage at the selfish 'I'm alright Jack' audacity I manufactured for this prank. And feel free to join in the prank by sending the link to all your lefty mates in shocked "AAV is a total sell-out" WhatsApp messages (but remember to do it before Midday if you do).
And if the initial thought of losing AAV made your heart sink a little bit, please consider setting up a couple of small monthly donations to support my work and the work of other thought-provoking left-leaning independent media sites so we can keep providing alternative perspectives to the pro-austerity, pro-privatisation, anti-investment, public service-wrecking, wage-repressing, social safety net-vandalising, orthodox neoliberal dogma that goes essentially unquestioned by so much of the mainstream media these days.
Tom (AAV) 

43 comments:

Jason said...

Good joke. Of course, the,odious Mehdi Hasan did this,for real

http://dailym.ai/GDpFbG

malc le talc said...

Yeah , have fun in the Sun

Phil said...

Rumour has it that Boris Johnson is forming a new party in the light of the 6 million signatures on the petition. To be called the Wnittington Party, it will call for a halt to Brexit. Its name is thought to indicate his ability to turn again whenever it suits his purpose.

Unknown said...

Good lordie.. i was thinking.. what a turn around that is!

Unknown said...

Does everyone commenting realise today's date?

Anonymous said...

You got me bro!

Anonymous said...

Oh god! I fell for this completely. So glad it's not true. Phew!

Anonymous said...

Was starting to panic there...

Anonymous said...

Nice one, AAV! The parallels you draw are very telling, even as part of the joke. This deserves to go viral!

Pauline said...

Never for a moment believed this was anything but an April Fools joke. Couldn’t happen, you’ll never betray us like that ��

Unknown said...

Relieved that there is still one man of principle.... Go on hunting the miscreants down.

Unknown said...

Oh boy you got me there, I had totally forgotten it was April fools day!😁 I am so glad it was your joke, because I love your writings and thank you for them, even if we sometimes do not agree. But I do wish that you could get that Aston Martin of your dreams. Perhaps we could all club together and get a bit at a time!😂

Anonymous said...

You sod, you had me there for a good few paragraphs!!!!

Random said...

It was when you mentioned the Aston Martin that I first smelt a rat, or an April's Fool!

Unknown said...

Ok you got me up until Para 8, then I worked it out. Love the writings by the way have followed you for a year or so now. Thanks for all you do.

Unknown said...

Gosh Tom, dont buy an Aston...theyre always breaking down! Happy April!

Unknown said...

Grrr! You got me for a moment there... haha. X

Anonymous said...

For a minute there, I was afraid you were describing a new post at the Guardian.

Phil Williams said...

Be honest, AAV - what swung your acceptance of the job offer was when they offered you a moat round your house . . .

Skelator said...

As soon as you mentioned that six figure salary the joke was clear, but I’m chortling at the length of time people take to cotton on.

phat controller said...

Phew! U almost got me there and so soon after I set up a regular donation! U R such a clear and authentic voice and brilliant writer it wouldn't surprise me if U HAD received 6 figure offers 2 turn your coat. So relieved. Keep on keepin on Tom. I hope enough people ARE supporting U. <3

Anonymous said...

Very good. Penny dropped pretty rapidly - keep up the good work!

A6er said...

I wasn't fooled at all Tom.

Not one little bit.

Well, maybe a smidgen, a tad, a tiny, titchy, itsy bitsy,teeny weeny bit.....at the very beginning part you understand, before you mentioning the Aston Martin....

Arghhhh Fuck It, you got me!
So pleased it was only an April Fools Day joke though.

Here's hoping you have another decade, at least,to offer your audiences.

terence armitage said...

Bloody hell - you had me going for a minute there - especially as for the last week or so every time I try to access your site from facebook, I get the message "Sorry this content is not available right now". Do you know why that is?

Anonymous said...

HA! Excellent blog. Always is. Solidarity.

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness, I thought you’d become disillusioned with all the apathy out there. Glad it was an April fools joke.

Unknown said...

V good had me going. Enjoy your blogs so would have been a loss. Keep up the good work

Unknown said...

Thank god its April fools,A lot of people love your work Tom

MF said...

Was totally shocked! ...and a tad confused! Whew! :)

Anonymous said...

as I read it I thought the fine Torys are paying to get him offline Glad its not true I love your Tory bashing

Pal said...

I love how over 30 comments have appeared on this one piece. A lot more than you usually seem to get. Shows just how important AAV is to some people.

I wasn't taken in but that's only because I'd already seen about 30 other April fools new pieces and am already on alert. :D

Paul said...

I bet some of your critics we're almost creaming their trousers wishing this was true, but then again they probably believe all the jingoistic, reactionary guff that gets pumped out there.

Anonymous said...

You had me hook line and sinker up to this point. "And my new employers have even kindly promised me that I don't have to go "full Tory" right away, so it won't be so bad." :D

Anonymous said...

I was shocked at the title and clicked... but knew what it was as soon as I started reading. Once I can find a way to keep my bank account in the black, I will set up a small regular donation. :)

Martin said...

Ha ha. £75,000 a year benefit scrounger sell-out Sue Marsh sprang to mind. Keep up the great work, thanks.

A6er said...

I was fooled by her sob story and donated with others so she could get a new laptop after claiming hers had broke.
A little while later she sells her fking soul to Maximus and makes us all look like cuts for supporting her blog!

Martin said...

@A6er

You wasn't alone. People are still wondering if she really cares.....

Unknown said...

And obviously he'll lead under the name 'Dick'

Johnny Staccato said...

Tom, I wish I didn't have to struggle along on a state pension; that's the best appeal I've ever heard.

Anonymous said...

What absolute cringe.

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dR said...

You been banned‽ ��

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